Knowing what she wants

I scream, I am throwing a tantrum, I am punching the walls, I am in a raging fit, I cannot understand, it is beyond my comprehension.

I am quick to judge, I hasten to degrade and demean. How can a simple concept ever elude her so much? I am willing to give her everything, even mine own life, well almost. Yet she seems to neglect and ignore these great and seemingly ultimate sacrifices. How? I am bewildered to say the least. I am amazed and appalled.

This is a sense of deja vu throughout the course of my infantile life. I see and hear the same stories over and over again like a broken record. She always seems to leave the one who is willing to give the most to be with the one who will not give up a finger nail. What on earth am I missing?

Henceforth I journeyed through all my life's experiences and those of other people in trying to see past the 'men are from Mars and women are from Venus' paradigm.

The phone rings, ardently I pick up. A friend I share with my trivia and solemn concerns has finally called. I have been expecting her call. So eager to let things off my chest I have no time for salutations...'why do you do these things, why, what should a man do to have you', I speak as a demented person seeking answers only a mad jury can provide. By now she is bursting into laughter knowing this is one of those phone sessions.

I narrate to her a story of a girl who has just dumped her boyfriend of 10 years with a simple sms of 'it's over'. This is a guy who has done all he could, well seemingly all he could to be with her forever, and he is repaid by an sms, which did not detail the fact that she was now seeing someone else.

Her response was stupendous and amazing, an eye opener, it could easily pass for an A+ in medical or law school. She tells me in a calm and collected voice, befitting a royal, 'the mere fact that you men are faithful makes you think you deserve her, that's not it.'

I am amazed, only this time, with a sense of understanding. This has never come across me like this. Nerves in my cerebrum are enthused by this small revelation that cascades to the logic that makes me assert this audacious claim that I now know what she wants.

It matters not what a man will do, whether he will cut off his limb, go to the moon and back, jump a cliff, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if at the end of it all it does not make her happy. The moment a man cannot make her better half smile, laugh, or cry, as long as she is not happy, he has lost the battle. He is expired, defunct, useless chuff; he needs to be made redundant. Simple, just like the theory of evolution, well almost.

8 out of 10 women I have asked have admitted to me without second guessing that they would rather be with a man who cheats on them but makes them happy, than be with a man who is faithful but does not make them happy. Happiness to a woman is not about what you do, no; it is about the things you do that will make her happy.

What then can a man do to keep her? The answer is a plain simple, nothing. A bit crude you may say, but the reality of it all is that men are lazy in nature; they will exert minimal effort when it comes to relationships. What a man can best do is to live his ordinary life, if a woman is attracted by this, what a beautiful couple this will be. If a man resorts to extras that are beyond him, it’s a whole different ball game.

A man who goes out of his way to make a woman happy will not last the second mile. His natural self will get the better of him; he will slack and blend in to his normalcy, his unattractive normalcy. Game over.